Giving

GIVING

What am I doing;
Pursuing a ruined opportunity?
Although there are powerful feelings you inspire in me
I'm acutely aware of what cannot be.

What I would give to be where we were when things went wrong;
So long did we hold on.
And so hot were the tears that fell from my eyes that I realized
I didn't know what it was to cry.
To feel my heart ache at the warmth of your embrace after my shallow tirades
And to swallow my guilt that coated my throat
My stomach tightened, and still my pride would not write a simple apology note.

These are all the things I wish I could change
Because my dreams are so sweet now, my fantasies so complete now
My core stabilized somehow, but now, I must let you go.
I must be the first one to fold.

All the sorrow I caused and anger I brought,
And heartache I consciously sought,
Is why I must suffer alone.

No more of your forgiveness will be accepted.
One final time you will be rejected,
And I will fade into a distant memory.

      - Kristin Kim Haynes